When Mentoring Becomes Whānau

Heidi Erceg and Jo Durrant have spent so much time together over the last decade that they can read each other’s expressions and have become more like aunty and niece than mentor and mentee. Their bond is so strong that both know they will always be in each other’s lives.

While working at board and executive level around the country, Heidi felt drawn toward using her skills for something in Te Tai Tokerau that made a direct difference in the lives of young people. She was interested in the philosophy of I Have a Dream and initially enquired about joining the Board, but after attending a mentoring information evening ten years ago, everything changed.

She was impressed by the structured, intentional process to train mentors and eventually match them with Dreamers enrolled in the programme. “I liked how thorough it was. You didn’t just turn up; you applied, trained, and committed. I had respect for what I saw and heard there, and the way it was presented.”

For several months mentors trained together on Wednesday nights, which Heidi said were always warm, co‑operative sessions where they got to know the other mentors, CEO, the Navigators, and the wider team.

“So, even as a volunteer, I felt deeply connected to it because you understood the kaupapa and the people behind it.”

“As far as mentoring was concerned, I didn’t have any preconceived ideas. I just wanted to contribute, support, and see where I could add value. Those early sessions were full of laughter, kai, games, and fun. I always looked forward to it.”

When it came time to meet the Dreamers, Heidi vividly remembers meeting Jo for the first time.

“Jo was colouring in and everything was perfectly inside the lines. She was putting in so much effort and was so quiet and shy”.

As part of the training, mentors and Dreamers were encouraged to pair with someone different each week. But Jo always gravitated back to Heidi. “I’m a really quiet person, and Heidi was loud, confident, and knew what she was doing. She helped me come out of my shell.” Jo laughs recalling that they were probably the most consistent attendees in the whole programme.

“They asked us who we’d choose if we could pick our mentor,” Jo said. “I said Heidi straight away.”

Heidi said that from the start she was always conscious about never making promises she couldn’t keep with Jo. “When you’re young, you look to others to mean what they say, and to follow through. Keeping your word matters deeply to me and that commitment is part of the I Have a Dream philosophy.”

Jo loved being part of I Have a Dream, especially the after school programmes and group activities. “We always had good times. Sitting in circles, answering questions and playing games.”

Then COVID hit while Jo was at Tikipunga High School and everything changed, but Heidi said the support from Jo’s Navigator Vincent (Vince) Nathan didn’t disappear.

“Vince was an exceptional Navigator,” Heidi said. “I could contact him anytime (which I often did), and he was always available to the Dreamers.”

Jo agreed. “If it was raining and I needed a ride home, I’d call Vince and he’d be like, ‘Yeah, of course, get in,’ even if he had stuff to do.” She grins. “He even cut my hair the first time I chopped it off. It was pretty cool.”

Jo says that during her Year 7 and 8 years she had some ups and downs, but having I Have a Dream and Heidi in her life made a huge difference.

“We’d always go to the beach or just have something to do. The after school programmes gave me something to look forward to. It helped knowing there was somewhere to go if I didn’t want to go home.”

“Heidi’s pretty much like my aunty now. Sometimes I forget that I Have a Dream is where we met. Heidi always seems happy, even when she’s annoyed,” Jo said. “In ten years, I’ve probably heard her swear maybe ten times.”

Heidi encouraged Jo into her first after-school job at McDonald’s at 15 and later supported her in getting a position at the Whangārei Hospital laundry.

“She has exceptionally good values and lives them, more so than most people I know,” Heidi said. “When we first started, Jo got an award at Totara Grove School for 100% attendance.”

Jo believes this work ethic comes from Heidi. “Even when she’s sick, she’s like, ‘I’m under the weather, but I’ve got to finish this stuff.’

Me and my sister Diamz always tell her to chill, but she can’t, even if she tries.” Jo says, “She’s taught me it’s important to rest, but also to make sure you get done what you need to get done first.”

Heidi said part of the mentoring process involved building a connection with the Dreamer’s whānau, and she believes that this was one of the reasons that this particular mentoring relationship was successful.

“For the first few years, I never picked Jo up, or dropped her off without going to the door to say hello and goodbye, and thank you to her mum. It was important to get to know Ida and ask permission because I was taking her precious child out – and she really didn’t know me yet.”

Over the years they spent countless hours cooking, going to the beach, or simply hanging out together or with each other’s whānau.

Jo laughs about the ‘two for one’ deal Heidi got when her younger nephew Lyrx started joining their outings. “He would be hanging over the fence pleading to come along and sometimes I didn’t want to share my time with you (Heidi) and I’d tell him he couldn’t. But you literally watched both of us grow up.”

“Ten years is a long time,” Heidi reflects. “We’ve both had periods where we’ve been there for each other. Not just the good times, but some challenging ones too. Jo knows she can turn up or ring me anytime. She knows she can trust me 100%.”

This support is reciprocal and Heidi said Jo’s whānau are always the first to offer help.

“It’s very special. I’ve come home to find a big feed of kina there for me because they know it’s my favourite, or an unexpected repair to my driveway.” Heidi said her own family feels the same way about Jo. “They love her. When I talk about my world, I include my son Felix, Jo and my dogs, they all come as one bundle.”

“Becoming a mentor is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I couldn’t imagine Jo not being in my world or her whole family. It’s been such a gift. I often think I got the better end of the deal.”

To top off the interview, Jo told Heidi that she had been contacted by the Solomon Group who she had recently completed a Workskills Programme with, to say she had been chosen for a four year drainlaying apprenticeship with United Civil Construction, which she has now begun. When she qualifies, she will be one of the very few wāhine certified drainlayers in Aotearoa.

If Heidi and Jo’s story has inspired you to become a mentor, we are currently looking for mentors for our Pathways Programme in partnership with Tikipunga High School. To find out more and register your interest click here.