Facing the Digital Truth – A Wake-Up Call for Whānau

When Rob Cope discovered his daughter, along with most of her classmates, had watched the Christchurch mosque massacre live on Facebook, something fundamental shifted. Like many parents, he’d believed the internet was mostly safe, or at least that his children were shielded from its darkest corners. That moment sparked a mission that turned Rob into one of Aotearoa’s leading voices on cyber safety. Together with his wife Zareen, he co-founded Our Kids Online, an organisation that delivers tools, workshops, and resources to help schools, parents, and communities keep children safer online.

In late July, Rob spoke to a room full of parents and caregivers at Tikipunga High School about the harsh reality of unfiltered internet access and the growing impact it’s having on our children’s development, wellbeing, and safety. His two-hour kōrero offered confronting truths and sobering statistics. While most in the room understood the internet has its risks, few realised just how little stands between tamariki and harmful content. As Rob spoke, concern turned to quiet alarm. He described how predators pose as friendly avatars on games like Roblox and Minecraft, and stressed the need for open, judgment-free conversations so children feel safe speaking up when something doesn’t feel right.

He explained how bullying no longer ends at the school gate. It follows tamariki into bedrooms and bathrooms via their devices. He warned of algorithms subtly pushing content that promotes self-harm, eating disorders, and warped worldviews. 

And all of this, he reminded us, is happening on the devices we put in their hands.

One of the most sobering parts of the night came when Rob explained that around age 10, children’s brains begin a major shift. Levels of GABA (a chemical that helps with emotional regulation and impulse control), drop by up to 70%, making kids more vulnerable to addiction and risk-taking. “They’re not wired to handle what they’re being exposed to,” Rob said. “Yet we’re giving them access to everything.”

He reminded us that the brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for long-term thinking and judgement, which was once fully developed by our early 20s, is now delayed until the late 20s, which Rob said scientists believe is due to a digital overstimulation and disconnection from real-world learning.

Rob shared that Steve Jobs and other tech pioneers didn’t allow their own kids to use iPads or iPhones. They knew exactly how addictive these tools were designed to be and prioritised books, conversation, and play instead. That message hit home.

He spoke of schools reporting five- and six-year-olds with speech delays and aggressive behaviour. Symptoms of too much screen time, and once again, not enough real-world interaction.

Thankfully, Rob didn’t leave us feeling helpless. He offered practical tools for families:

• Device filters and controls like Safe Surfer or Google Family Link.
• Samsung Galaxy Safe phone (via kidsafephone.nz), which parents can fully control and has the ability to flag them of any nude images being taken or the use of concerning keywords.
• Recommended reading, like Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction is Hijacking Our Kids, by Dr Nicholas Kardaras.

He also warned about platforms like Discord being likened to the dark web, and the growing risks of AI voice cloning, deepfakes, and algorithmic radicalisation. These technologies can mimic voices, steal images, and target kids with blackmail or misinformation.

Rob urged whānau to start conversations from age 10, explaining boundaries as protection, not punishment. If we don’t invade our children’s privacy with love, he warned, someone else will do it with harmful intent. He challenged us to offer alternatives to devices: books, musical instruments, board games, chores, anything that feeds imagination, connection, and boredom-born creativity.

Rob left us with a simple but powerful life framework for kids:

• Thinking tools – positive self-talk, perspective-taking
• Social tools – friendships, recognising emotional cues
• Physical tools – sport, movement, and play
• Relaxation tools – music, reading, and good sleep
• Plus: clear boundaries and consequences for breaking them.

His talk, brought to Whangārei by Tikipunga High School in partnership with I Have a Dream, wasn’t about banning the internet. It was a call to engage, to lead, and to reconnect. He encouraged us to put down our phones, to bring life back to the dinner table, and to show our tamariki what healthy digital habits look like.

Rob has written the proposed New Zealand Children’s Internet Safety Act and is campaigning for it to be read in Parliament. Because our most vulnerable, our kids, deserve protection.

The night left many of us shaken, but also empowered. We walked away with clarity, tools, and a renewed sense of responsibility. Because this isn’t about fear, it’s about preparation. We wouldn’t throw a child into deep water before teaching them to swim. Yet many of them are drowning. And we can’t afford to look away.