An Enduring Connection

Of the many successes to come out of the Mt Roskill pilot in 2003, some of the most meaningful were the long‑standing mentor and mentee relationships that proved life changing for everyone involved.

The interview below offers a small glimpse into one of those connections, the bond between mentor Martin Knoche and his Dreamer mentee Tali Lekasa, a relationship that endures to this day.

Martin Knoche

Martin, what first inspired you to become a mentor?

We don’t have kids ourselves and I always wanted to help young talent. At the time, I was not sure if I could take on a Dreamer Mentorship. So I started with the after school programme. This really helped me to get to know most of the Dreamers and how to best work with them. During this 1.5-year familiarisation, I became more confident. When I was matched with my mentee Tali, my wife and I met his family at a Dreamers trip to Wenderholm. I was probably more nervous than he was.

What were your initial expectations?
I wasn’t quite sure what to expect or how to best do it. So I started inviting Tali, some of his friends and cousins to go to the beach and do fun, active things, once a month, which we did diligently. So there wasn’t much communication between Tali and I at first. By doing outdoor things together reduced the angst between us. We really enjoyed each other’s company and started to build trust in each other.

Did anything surprise you about mentoring once you started?
Working with Pasifika Dreamers, I learned a lot about their exciting culture from the Dreamers, their families and the other Pasifika mentors. Being exposed to very different cultures helped Tali and I to appreciate each other’s background and history more. Some of the Dreamers had challenges, and it wasn’t all plain sailing. For me a good mentor-mentee relationship is largely about trust and consistency. You have to work through challenges together and persevere. I remember that some of the Dreamers living in Mt Roskill had never been to downtown Auckland. Doing regular trips to get them out of their comfort zone and into nature was a game changer, not just for the Dreamers, but us as mentors as well. We learned to see what may be ‘normal’ to us through our mentees’ eyes. This is a wonderful experience and helped me grow as a human.

How has your relationship with Tali evolved as he grew from a child to a young adult?
A real connection developed over time. We didn’t rush anything. First we build trust by spending time together. Then we worked on school related tasks to prepare for exams, helping Tali to get work experience and try out different potential roles. This helped him work out what he wanted to do, and he is still working on his path to being his own boss overseas. My wife and I were often invited to join Tali’s family or the Tuvaluan community at events and were usually the only Pākehā present. This was a wonderful experience. The mentorship added not only Tali, but his extended family into the mix. After the Mt Roskill I Have a Dream programme finished, Tali and I stayed in contact. I was invited to his 21st and wedding. After we moved to Whangārei, he and his family came to visit. Before they moved to Australia, I went to Auckland for their farewell party and one of my greatest honours was Tali naming his first son Tiuai Martin. He is almost the same age as Tali was when we first met. We still keep in touch and talk a few times a year as good friends.

What have you learned about yourself from this mentoring experience? I probably learned more from Tali than the other way around. Some of the Pasifika mentors explained that while their top 5 priorities are very similar to ours, the ranking is different. Family, faith, hospitality and food are very important, which was helpful to understand. Whereas, in our Pakeha society, we often spend time with our nuclear families and only see extended family once in a while, so career and other things are often more important. I learned a lot about how these values influence action from Tali and his family.

What do you get out of being a mentor?
What impact has he made in your life? I can’t iterate it often enough. I think I learned much more from Tali than the other way around and being open-minded, being helpful where you can and it’s been a wonderful experience that will stay with me for my whole life

What’s kept you so committed for such a long time?
I’ve learned so much from the Pasifika values. And Tali and his family became good friends with my family. When Tali’s parents came to New Zealand about 30 years ago the key thing for them was to give their kids a better life, and in particular a good education. His two sisters and brother all qualified to go to university. If I had grown up in a house with 18 other people in the house, and there was always noise and something going on, I probably wouldn’t have finished school. Tali’s parents often had several jobs just to keep the family going, and I’d never seen anyone working so hard to support their family.

Do you have any highlights in the 10 years you’ve spent mentoring?
I remember very vividly dropping Tali off at Westgate Library and he asked if I could help him with schoolwork. This was after about one year of relationship-building. So we got onto academic mentoring and Tali passed his exams. I often went to his house either to help him with homework or to pick him and his friends up. I was always very welcome and there was always laughter in the house. Eventually, I got friendly with his parents as we’re around the same age, so we invited them to our house and formed a real relationship.

What would you say to someone considering sharing the life/career experience with a Dreamer?
It’s important to get to know the Dreamer and wider family. This helps to understand the context. The most important thing is to be open minded, being ready to be surprised once in a while, while being consistent and working on building a trusting relationship. It’s not just about academic mentoring, but family relationships and experiencing each other’s world together. Once trust has been established, you can help them get some exposure to possible career paths or job experiences to help them find out what they really want to do. Enjoying each other’s company is critical to the success of a good mentor-mentee relationship. It can be really difficult for kids growing up, so having another consistent adult, with a slightly different perspective than their family environment, can be important. I think it’s definitely worthwhile.

Also, the whole support from Scott, Ant, Lynne and the I Have a Dream team was fantastic. They weren’t just on a payroll, it was definitely in their hearts.

The programme really touches a lot of lives and you never quite know what real difference that support system makes, but it hopefully increases the likelihood of positive things coming out of it.

From my experience with Tali I am confident that he and his young family are giving back to their community as much, if not more than, the programme supported him with.

Tali Lekasa

How would you describe the role the I Have a Dream programme has played in your life?
The I Have a Dream programme has helped me through my educational years, the extra support I received after and during school gave me a chance to build a better future for my family and I.

The programme was designed to meet our own learning requirements, our mentors worked hard and made sure that I didn’t fall behind. I moved out of the area due to family circumstances and I Have a Dream still held a spot open for me. It was like a big family, we went on trips and camps that helped build our confidence and our character. I was given an opportunity that opened many doors for me.

What activities did you get involved in?
We did a lot of camping around Auckland and hiking. My most memorable experience was the Tongariro Alpine Crossing 3 day hike.

Can you explain the importance of your relationship with your Navigator and your mentor?
Ant Backhouse was our Navigator. He checked our report cards and helped us in areas where we were struggling. He was more like a close friend which made it easy to open up to him with personal and education struggles. Building this trust made it easy to ask for help when it was needed.

Martin was my mentor, we met at a bowling alley when I was 8 or 9 years old and us Dreamers got the opportunity to pick our mentor. Martin was easy going so I chose him. He held me accountable for my education by supporting and guiding me, through personal growth as well. My dream was to be a builder so he gave me opportunities to work alongside his friends in the building industry. It has been over a few years since I finished school, but I still keep in close contact with him.

How did I Have a Dream support you at school?
They held programmes after school where tutors would come and help us through areas of our education we were struggling with. Ant (Coach) would guide our tutors by checking our reports and making sure that we were progressing and heading in the right direction of our education.

How did the programme help you navigate any challenges growing up?
I grew up in a low income area where opportunities are quite slim. By being part of this programme, I was given an opportunity to make long life friends, where we were able to talk about personal struggles and encourage each other.

If you could go back and talk to your younger self, what would you say? Keep working through the hard times, it’s only temporary.

Did they influence your confidence, choices and direction in life?
Yes they did, throughout my educational years I managed to pass and achieve goals that I set for myself. This helped boost my confidence, and open doors of opportunity.

What’s something Martin and Barbara said or did that has stayed with you?
“My door is always open.” Martin and Barbara have become close family; he usually visits my family, and I make sure to visit him as well. Martin has always been like a father figure in my life, and he’s been there for each and every milestone I have achieved. Martin helped me through challenges and led by example. He always lent a helping hand when it was needed and would encourage me and make sure we did outdoor activities out of my comfort zone, which helped me grow and gain more confidence within myself.

What would you say to other students unsure about participating in the programme?
Take this opportunity, the dedication of a Navigator and Mentor will help guide you through your education and help you achieve the impossible.

What are you doing these days?
In New Zealand, I was a metal roofer for a couple of years and completed my ticket. I have now moved to Sydney, Australia with my family, and I’m a sole trader subcontracting to a garage company installing and servicing garage doors. My son’s middle name is Martin (named after my mentor), he is full of life, so hopefully when he grows up he can do amazing things with his name.